I just want to be "Facebook Friends"

You may not have the guts to talk to the girl you fancy at the office, the guy you met last week at a mixer or any number of acquaintance you collected. However you're connected with them through social media, is this connection valuable? The same social anxiety that kept us from calling these people in the past, keeps us from making use of new social technology now. In the world of social media we are constantly reminded of their existence and in turn, missed connection.


It seems that the discussion over facebook, its ubiquitousness and how it -- and other social networks -- have changed the social structure of a generation. Stephen Marce of the Atlantic asks the question “is facebook making us lonely?” The query goes against the primary focus of  social networks in general, which is connecting individuals . By connecting people, the dream is that we will never need to be lonesome again because a “friend / follower” is only keystrokes away. Human interaction is supposed to be the simplest thing in the world. 

We have access to a growing database of things people like, want, consume and create. It's unclear whether this information is simply creating a false hope or longing for meaningful relationships, rather than creating or maintaining them.  

Modern society has acquired a powerful form of communication. One that releases troves of information in an attempt to get to know each other more efficiently. Its use is easily misunderstood and etiquette is fragmented by definition. 

Social networks have put the power of mass communication into the hands of individuals that may not know how to wield its power. Many use language and behaviours that should be used for personal interactions rather than mass messaging such as the facebook news feed or twitter. It is as though the average social networker is behind a one way curtain shouting at an audience they can not see but who can view them ever so clearly.

This sense of disillusionment about the audience that individuals are talking too may make them feel as though their words bear little meaning. Lost in a sea of other blurbs, hyperlinks and shouts. For those who attempting to connect in meaningful ways are doings so with other users that consume more than they connect. 

There is a new culture of communication that has emerged which has changed the entire business of getting to know people. This especially rings true in the most delicate social structures of our extravehicular relationships. These volatile, yet potentially valuable connections with those outside of our immediate circle of confidants have become the most difficult to manage. There is a strange etiquette that varies between every individual that is essentially undefinable and increasingly harder to read. 

One facet that has become nearly obsolete, in the world of contact information swapping, is the phone number. Now it’s the full name, or whatever their handle is on facebook. This is the most casual form of communication. Yet the Facebook connection is much more revealing yet lacks directness. 

Numerous times the facebook friend request to a newly met interest has come in less than three minutes of introduction. This hyper active form of communication does create interesting dynamics. I meet host of new people or connect with acquaintances nearly everyday. I find that I am much more likely to talk  with them in greater length the next time I see them if I have some sort social media connection with them. Especially if an online correspondence has been established. 

Because let’s face it folks, it’s hard to connect with someone you barely know on such a personal level as a phone call or a text message. It’s much easier, albeit less personal to comment on facebook, twitter, instagram or some other social network. 

Yet these new relationships we collect may be leaving us with more longing, than with a group of people we can expect to share actual time with. The problem is not necessarily with the social networks but with the fumbling in the dark of its use that is creating social problems rather than creating better relationships.